And out of the mons made the Antegods to grow every thicket that is pleasant to the sight and good for food; the thicket of pubis, also, in the midst of the cleft, and the thicket of veneris of hygienic and treponema. – Willard 5:9
I might find a mind’s fua.
Five five fi-notes five . . . no n-n-n-no it’s five-three.
N-n-no wa-wa-watch it’s three-two, no it’s two.
So it’s five and eight, n-n-no three and five.
Hey I don’t want a . . . I don’t wanna find some big hole.
That’s what I’m afraid of; that’s why I don’t want it big.
Why is this? Who would even read my material? Did a homeless person give you a flier with Matthew James’ name on it? and, did this homeless person say: “What Would Willard Do?”
Or, did you find a piece of paper in a public restroom stuck to some fecal splatter with the title: “Gentle Jabs Turn to Punches for Clinton, Obama!”?
If no, then how?
Did you read one of my old Diatribes about the Mormon Church in a Mormon Myspace group? Did you feel angry when you read it? Or did it tickle you in a way that made you want to read more about this beautiful man who once had long luxurious locks?
I sure hope so!
Or maybe not. Maybe you saw a link in Wikipedia in the Somniloquy/Sleep Talking page? And, you clicked it, and listened to a shouting-incoherent-and-sometimes-perverted-man talking in his sleep, who for whatever reason thinks it’s funny to record himself sleeping, and, feels it’s okay to post these recordings on the internet when nobody in their right mind would even take the time to listen to these incoherent babblings that Matthew James claims are prophetic visions when they are in actuality prosthetic visions.
Who are these mysterious two readers? Please show yourself to me. Give me reason to give you gold. What is your definition of gold? If I gave you gold, what would you spend it on? Would you spend it at all? Would you make toilet paper out of it?
Did you know that Matthew James is the true prophet of the Parasomnial Order? Does anyone have any idea what Parasomnial even means? Do you think the prophet even knows? If I wrote 100 more questions, would you read them?
I don’t think you would. Therefore, I shall stop. Let my people come forth and help me help you spread the truth about the Book of Willard.
And the Antegods planted a cleft, eastward in Pudendum, and there they put the god, whose thetan they had put into the spirit which they had formed. – Willard 5:8
Matthew James was found in Oceanside pumping gas on Oceanside blvd. with his somewhat newly found prepubescent little girl/dutch boy coiffure. He was driving a strange car of the gray color with a VW logo on the bumper which lead me to believe in actuality he was a little girl of ephebic nature. From what I saw, it looked like he was handing out 3×5 cards made of rice paper that if soaked in water under a thin layer of soil, the paper will sprout seedlings within 3-4 weeks time. The cards had some very import information about the Parasomnial Order on them (basically top-secret information regarding the church that must not be revealed at this time for it has nothing to do with the non-existent lost chapter 6 of the Book of Willard; and, it definitely has nothing to do with Clay Aiken who brought a tear to my eye when he sang Without You at my private birthday bash in the Hollywood hills). And a quick reminder, Clay Aiken is NOT gay.
So why was the Prophet in Oceanside? We may never know. From what my sources say, he was just on a drive thinking about how to make his new found religion known to the people of the ever changing populace. He is a thinking man who thinks when he drives, but paradoxically, he rarely drives. Does this mean our prophet is a dumb-witted slow smelling mind of a man who only thinks when it involves a car ride with FFR? No. It means…thinking is not important in the Parasomnial Order for Matthew James never thinks. He lets Elohim do all the thinking for him. That’s why he was in Oceanside. To help spread truth to all the Marines that dwell there. So, if you’re reading this, and you are in fact a Marine, or somehow associated with Marines, I suggest you stop reading this for it has nothing to do with politics. And, I solute you for all your help with the War on Terror.
Now, to the main point of this post. Matthew James was in fact in Oceanside, and he felt an overwhelming feeling of someone watching him like the Michael Jackson song (only without the pederasty). It was a familiar feeling of déjà vu, but more along the lines of déjà senti. It was an evil feeling of corrupted cognition or something of that nature; something of anomalous proportion, which led Matthew James to prayer. He prayed to St. Willard for guidance and Willard granted Matthew James’ prayer with a seedling from the rice paper with the answers to the key of life. Which is, to stop using the internet and/or Myspace and get back into the real world of life, and live!
And the Antegods formed god from the dank from the mons, and took his thetan (that is, the god’s thetan), and put it to it, unto him; and breathed into his nostrils the breath of godhood, and god became a kolobic soul. – Willard 5:7
According to all that which they had said concerning every boscage of the sacrum field before it was in Kolob, and every zygote of the sacrum field before it grew; for the Antegods had not caused it to secrete upon Kolob when they counseled to do them, and had not formed a god to till the mons. – Willard 5:5
I have decided to number my Progress Reports like so (refer to title of post). And want to give thanks to all the wonderful people here at snaglesnatch for all their hard work. You all deserve cookies.
I also have been putting up new posts in the Sacred Diatribe category. They’re not your typical Sacred Diatribes, but, they are somethings that I’ve been posting in the Mormon Mafia Myspace group as Gnolaum Patriarch. I haven’t been up to writing a real Diatribe in a while. I don’t know if I will ever write one again. But, who knows, I just might.
I am glad to see that there has been a lot of participation with the Willard Discussions for this is what we want. If you would like to learn more about the Book of Willard, I would suggest you read up on the Willard Discussions. I believe we are on chapter 2 now.
If you are bored, just take a look around at the various links I have on the side panel. For you might feel the Fervent! In the mons pubis that is! Clay Aiken loves each and every one of you!
