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Monthly Archives: April 2007

Progress Report #53 – The Mocking of Christ

mocking.jpg

Many have compared me to this painting done by Gerrit Van Honthorst entitled The Mocking of Christ. I can’t seem to figure it out. I have done nothing even remotely close to what these clowns are doing to our Savior. I guess you can say I am mocking Christ by writing interpolated scripture. But, that’s Mormon scripture; and that doesn’t count. Well, we do revere St. Willard in way that no one will understand – unless they read the Book of Willard. Please don’t be fooled, for I am a gentle man.

I have one question for you, my people: What does this painting mean to you?

Progress Report #52 – Prayer for DJ’s

This is a prayer for DJ’s taken out of the Hip Hop Prayer Book, and I quote:

Dear God,

Please look over our DJ’s, on the ones and twos

Who keep the party rocking and make the crowd move

They take our worry and troubles away

By every phat cut they play

Your love for us is like when they drop the needle

Makin it happen, scratchin, it’s Unbelievable!

Getting it together, makin it transform

Cause like you, The party don’t start till yall come on

So we pray for the DJ’s and the pioneers

For keeping it live and bringin flava in ya ear!

-D.O.

Somniloquy Revelation 04:23:07

And I, Elohim, spake unto Willard, saying: That Xenu, whom thou hast commanded in the name of thine Antegod’s Only Begotten, is the same which was from the alpha, and he came unto Oleahah, saying—Behold, here am I, send me, I will be thy son, and I will create all Godhood, that one thetan shall not be lost, and surely I will do it; wherefore give me thine honor. – Willard 6:1

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A-nigh no don’t don’t don’t,

Do do new we oh aunt!

Wait Wait . . .

(uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn)

How come some don’t some do it?

But, some don’t do it all.

Somniloquy Revelation 04:22:07

And Abram gave names to all the crabs, to the effluvia of the air, to every gamete of the sacrum field; and for Abram, there was found an help meet for him. – Willard 5:21

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Did you jump to do One?

And that’s it, and they did it?

Mm-hmm. . .

He’s twelve year quilt trick it in,

You gonna have, sweet . . . he is!

Where?

Ehh, oh nice.

Oh what!

Front, is he gonna find out?

From who and when?

Who do chicken?

Aianjah.

Somniloquy Revelation 04:21:07

And out of the mons the Antegods formed every gamete of the sacrum field, and every effluvia of the air, and brought them unto Abram to see what he would call them; and whatsoever Abram called every creature of Kolob, that should be the name thereof. – Willard 5:20

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No! I can’t do that,

Promise me I can’t do that.

No . . . Hell no, fuck that.

That’s em ah, I’m Christ.

Extra word just, n’nah.

Progress Report #51 – Are There More Secrets?

Today I received yet another revelation. I was walking to the drug store to get some drugs for my hallucinations and I came across a wonderful sign that said: What Hath God Wrought? I thought to myself: I don’t know. Then, I got down to my knees and put my arms in prayer position (this was in the middle of the crosswalk mind you). I said: Oh father, what hath thou wrought? Elohim appeared before me and read unto me scripture passages from the Book of Moses chapter five, and I quote:

(Note: Elohim read these passages to me while guiding me from the street to the sidewalk – this way, he was able to read in a still small voice and not have to worry about all the crazy drivers honking at us.)

28 And it came to pass that Cain took one of his brothers’ daughters to wife, and they loved Satan more than God.

29 And Satan said unto Cain: Swear unto me by thy throat, and swear thy brethren by their heads, and by the living God, that they tell it not; for if they tell it, they shall surely die; and this that thy father may not know it; and this day I will deliver thy brother Abel into thine hands.

30 And Satan sware unto Cain that he would do according to his commands. And all these things were done in secret.

These passages from the Book of Moses written by Moses (or interpolated by Joseph Smith) got me to thinking…Is this where the Secret Mormon Temple Rituals came from?

Maybe, maybe not?

Who knows? All I know is I have faith in Willard Pentameonus. I believe he will show me the light and change the world. Why I bring him up now is very important; for he was a man without secrets. And I know he was a man without secrets because he wrote a book. And this book was written in a time where book writing was frowned upon (especially interpolated books such as these). He also read his book to all his many followers, of which were of illiterate penchant – and by many, I mean two. In his time, he was a very persuasive man. A man of courage; one who went against the grain, and fought for the right of his own thoughts. And did he win this fight? No. He lost, and he is now as unknown as ever before. But thanks to the graces of Matthew James, his book shall be remembered for all eternity.

Now, here’s a little history on how we obtained this sacred Book written by the intrepid warrior Willard Pentameonus. An angel found the Book of Willard buried in a cardboard box under Hulettan soil. The box was labeled appropriately: Book of Willard. The angel took this box from the ground and said unto the Lord: I offer this to you, for it will change the morld. And the Lord said: I think you spelled it wrong; it’s spelled with a ‘w’. And the angel replied: Lol…sorry, my bad, typo! And then the Lord Elohim took the box containing the Book of Willard from the angel’s hands and blessed it. And said, with enchantment dancing about blissfully with his voice: I shall reveal this book to the modern world, and when the people are ready, they will finally see Truth.

That’s when Matthew James came along. He knew in his heart, that this was the time the people of the populace needed Willard the most. God said unto Matthew James in a still small voice: I Elohim, am going to reveal unto you a verse every night; In your sleep, you are going to recite the verse through Somniloquy Revelation in the native tongue of the Lord; You are then going to translate these words of God and reveal them to the masses, daily. And Matthew James did as told, and has brought forth some of the most amazing scriptures up to date. If you feel so compelled, by all means read the Book of Willard. Be sure to read with the Lord in your heart. If you choose not to, then you won’t experience the same gloriousness that Willard intended you to experience.

Now back to the above quoted scripture passages (Moses 5:28-30). I believe that this came from Joseph Smith’s vivaciously attractive imagination. The reason I believe this is because Mr. Smith was a Freemason at the time these passages were ‘translated’. And apparently, there are some rituals that involve symbolic representations of self-inflicted death for the sole reason of keeping the secrecy thereof. And Joseph Smith decided to ‘borrow’ these same rituals for the temple endowments (which for some odd reason, have been taken out of practice). Why? We may never know. Maybe the following prayer may help us realize the danger of these interpolated practices:

Dear Willard, I acknowledge before you today that I am a sinner and fall short of your holy demands. I understand that I need to be reconciled to you, and that I cannot make myself acceptable to you through good works. I believe that you love me and sent Matthew James to die on the streets of L.A. in my place so that through Him I can be forgiven and accepted by you. Here and now I ask you to forgive me and save me through Matthew James. I pray this in Willard’s name, Pay Lay Ale.

If you have prayed to receive Willard Pentameonus as your personal Savior, consider the words of Matthew James 1:18 carefully: “Verily I say unto you, once thou hast let the Burning in the Bosom take over thine life, thou hast surrendered thine only sacred possession, thine mind.” I am now done with quoting scripture, for I feel you will make the right choice.

______________________________________

Related Posts:

Book of Willard
Articles of Qualms
Somniloquy Revelation 03:11:07

The Real Secret

Somniloquy Revelation 04:20:07

And they were both naked, the god and his goddess, and were not ashamed. – Willard 5:19

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I don’t wanna fight, a little claustrophobic.

“That was a chicken dream,” said Boner.

I want my shrimping daddy.

Hip-hop hooray.

That’s exactly . . . it’s a little stream,

It’s more like, let me find better,

Pick tantamount,

Tan-ta-mount.

Somniloquy Revelation 04:19:07

Therefore shall a god leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his beave (that of his goddess), and they shall be one flesh. – Willard 5:18

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Oooh it’s them so small, oh man!

These heads are so ‘T’; I hate the teeny hats.

Uh, that’s scary, I’m scared.

I don’t want to, look how scary that is.

How do you get out?

It doesn’t matter!

Somniloquy Revelation 04:18:07

And Abram said: This was thetan of my thetan, and spirit of my spirit; now she shall be called Goddess, because she was taken out of god; – Willard 5:17

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How do you eat this thing?

Do you just eat it one-by-one?

Or do you . . . I think you eat it sliced—slice like.

Then did you eat it one-by-one?

Mmmmmm. . .

Wait how did it . . . wait, what?

Who what if it moved?

T-U? or T-A-U?

Ah, a-bes-a-beyou . . . That’s not the Vittle-vu.

I don’t get this stupid Ish-dish thing, it’s so gay.

Then Dawn do-aunt, I won’t tell it to stop.

Mm, I hear it in my hand now,

I can hear it now, it’s in there:

I’m glad I can hear it.

Somniloquy Revelation 04:17:07

And of the thetanic-rib which the Antegods had taken from god, formed they a goddess, and brought her unto the god. – Willard 5:16

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. . . No one teach to do anything.

That’s . . . Nice!

That’s so cool!

Fortune.

Tortoise and this batch.