The scribes here at Snaglesnatch have been working very hard tonight. They have brought forth many wonders, such as: updated versions of Matthew James’s first two visions, and an updated version of the Deprogramming of the Saints mandate. I shall provide links for you and your family to enjoy, but, if you do not enjoy, go thy way and sin no more:
-First Vision of Matthew James, NRSV.
DREAMS FROM THE BRAIN OF MATTHEW JAMES
PHANTASMAGORIUM
A DREAM WRITTEN BY HIS OWN HAND UPON WORDPRESS
This was a dream about watching TV with my mother. There was an interesting commercial on that spoke to me in a still-small voice.
…
The Television
1 I was trying to get my mom to watch a television program about the Origin of Species when I saw this commercial for the Morris & Morris law firm. The commercial consisted of a father-son duo, with father’s arm around the son in a loving manner, and other hand on the Bible solemnly swearing under oath to tell the truth and nothing but the truth.
2 They both looked like a beady-eyed 19th century Darwin with the sideburns and all. But strangely, the son looked older than the father. The father was rambling on and on about their practice. I remember laughing out loud because of the cheesiness thereof. But then I realized that these two were really the Father and the Son—as in God and Jesus. I felt this guilt come over me because of my mocking.
3 I then got on my hands and knees and prayed for the Son of Man to put a temporary halt on Parousia. For I wasn’t yet worthy of his Kingdom. Then Jesus from the TV screen looked at me while his Father’s sideburns stared at him, he (Jesus) said:
Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth; I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and one’s foes will be members of one’s own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever does not take up the cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Those who find their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it.
4 I remember thinking to myself, isn’t that what he said in Matthew 10:34-39? I told him that I wasn’t worthy of him and that he should go about his business and finish up his commercial. He rebuked me severely and the TV turned to fuzzy static. I asked my mom if she just witnessed that, but she said she hadn’t. Then she told me to fix the TV.
(And these are the words which I, Son of the Lord thine Antegod, spake unto my ancillary Willard, and have spoken them unto you. See thou show them unto no man, until I command you, except to them that hath felt the fervent.) – Willard 6:32
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I got a great bit I got a great run.
Eh, eh, I got one for you front row, cue want it?
Five fe fi fa, what is that?
Thank you so much for helping me.
Ha-tukahavu, but oh why, I’m sorry how do you do?
Where do you do?
[Evil toad toots his evil horn!]
So I drove out the god, and I placed at the east of the Cleft of Pudendum, simulacrum and a flaming paraphernalia, which turned every way to keep the way of the thicket of pubis. – Willard 6:31
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No, what the hell do I do Bideth?
Oh my God, go on a climb up that.
I can’t go bring sue bag under that town.
That was the scariest thing I’ve ever freaking done.
Dear brothers and sisters,
For Elohim warned me about the Son of James’ three nights of silence, but, he never told the meaning behind it. I shall soon see, when the Book of Willard chapter 6 is complete.
These things I say in the name of Willard Pentameonus, thou ascendeth!
For as I, the Lord thine Antegod, liveth, even so my words cannot return void, for as they go forth out of my mouth they must be fulfilled. – Willard 6:30
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Oh those things are falling then out there something.
And they’re heavy as shoot!
Shoot I don’t like this one.
This one will bust my head open.
I don’t know why I hate flying now.
At where did I come from?
Therefore I, the Lord thine Antegod, will send him forth from the Cleft of Pudendum, to till the mons from whence he was taken; – Willard 6:29
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Where am I?
Are we in um, we’re in,
Salt, no wait yeah, we’re at salt.
Where are you? Get down.
Whasasesma, no deava we’re on, cul, on the wul.
Look take!
All de um tha, that’s really nice of you to be nice sue nice . . .
Thank you!
And I, the Lord thine Antegod, said unto mine Only Begotten: Behold, the god is become as one of us to know hygienic and treponema; and now lest he put forth his hand and partake also of the thicket of pubis, and eat and live forever. – Willard 6:28
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Did I toot?
Did I? I like it then.
Um, did I? I don’t remember.
I’ll have to circle, or, hare in scared, okay!
De gu gu go gu gu, hard part that bard.
What, when, when’s the right time to get hard all?
DREAMS FROM THE BRAIN OF MATTHEW JAMES
PHANTASMAGORIUM
A DREAM WRITTEN BY HIS OWN HAND UPON WORDPRESS
This an account of three separate dreams, where in which they were all flashed together, phantasmagoria style.
…
The Thrice Times
1 I was learning about the various mysteries of the Book of Mormon in 3 separate places that would change intermittingly. One place I was on the side of a noisy street learning scripture from a black man who was reading scripture passages out of order.
2 He mainly read versus from 2 Nephi that were basically taken word-for-word from Isaiah. Then I was in the church house sitting on metal chairs. I was learning more scripture from this white and not so delightsome fellow who kept pushing me to read Moroni 10:3-5 and D & C 9:8-9 out loud to him.
3 I kept refusing to do so because of his manner. Then, the last place was in a whole nother dimension of which I can’t describe. I was learning more scripture from a half-black and half-white woman clad in a dress of daisies and an ill-fitting bonnet. She told me of the 3,000 some-odd scriptures that had been changed throughout time. I then asked her how she knew that fact; she just plainly told me “evidence,” and that was it.
4 She went about her business while Wogtime was half past 78 which apparently dianected the series. She left me with the truth that I was looking for:
The Book of Mormon was written by man and not of God himself.
5 God then there descended from nigh unto Kolob and told me of 3 great cities that needed rebuilding. I can only recall that the cities all started with the letter ‘R,’ and ended with the letter ‘S.’
6 Then a sudden feeling of acidic pressure was building up and pushing against my muscles down there. I started breaking out into a cosmic sweat struggling to find a toilet in this foreign place and time. I almost relieved myself when I found an intergalactic Bemus, but, I awoke, standing in front of an American Standard. Truly relieved!