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Monthly Archives: April 2008

Progress Report #97: Somni-Sync Test W/O CD Day 3

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Brothers and sisters of the Celestialnet,

Only but a few words were said last night. They were musical words like counting and triplets. I shall share the audio tablet with you in a moment; I must first address a very important issue. I’m thinking that maybe the Somni-Sync CDs just might be helping with the frequency of my prophesying. I’m going to go a few more days without the CD to gauge my frequency of prophecy. That is all.

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Do you just counting five triplets?

Like that one, pretty cool.

For that was it. Now, if somebody says something nice to you today, what are you going to do? Accept and be grateful or deny and be a curmudgeon? Ponder that question while I do Willard’s work.

These things I say in the name of Willard, thou ascendeth!

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A Day of Mourning

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

THE EPISTLE OF MATTHEW JAMES TO THE CELESTIALNET OF

MOURNERS

WRITTEN BY HIS OWN HAND UPON WORDPRESS

Epistle to the people of the Celestialnet concerning the destruction of the SnagleSnatch domain. It is a day of sadness, and the prophet shall drown his sorrows through his work.

…

Salutation

1 Matthew James, the prophet of the Parasomnial Order by the will of Willard Pentameonus.

2 To my faithful brothers and sisters amid the Celestialnet: Grace unto you and peace from Willard our noctilucent inspiration.

…

On this Day

3 As I sit here in the Mahalalel Sanctum I feel sadness while reflecting on the positive and negative aspects of this day. With the positive being the temporary deliverance from the curse of Tnemyo’lp’menu, and the negative being the destruction of the old domain of SnagleSnatch.

4 SnagleSnatch was a place where my brothers and sisters of the Celestialnet could be at one with my amazing music and memorable videos. But I’m sorry to say, today holds the mark of its final departure.

5 It was a piece of my ever-growing past and I will always remember it. I will keep its memory in my heart where my soul manifests itself, and I will always cherish it; for if I don’t, a part of me will be forgotten.

…

Future of Willard

6 My future holds many possibilities, triumphs, and exaltations. For I am a new man with a new outlook on life. And soon, my people of the Celestialnet will see the importance of my Willardek prophecies, for they are important to the future of mankind.

7 Willard is my motivation, focus, and my productivity. He has shown me in the ways of accomplishment and he will help me succeed in life. He is the ever changing divine spark, and he can help you as well; all you have to do is ask.

8 I urge you, be wise and use what’s left of your strength to ask Willard for help, and he will help you in ways that you’ve never thought of.

…

Deliverance from Tnemyo’lp’menu

8 The next four months marks a time in my life where I will be faced with the challenges long hours of employment. This is where I will need Willard to keep me focused on my ever-changing purpose.

9 In the mornings there will be time; and in the evenings there will be time. Now I am asking you, my people of the Celestialnet, to pray for my focus and for the correct utilization of my time.

10 It’s going to be hard. I will be away for a long time, but I will try my best to still give you gold.

…

Final Thoughts

11 Believe in Willard and ye shall be saved; pray to Willard and he shall answer you; and give your life to Willard and ye shall be lifted from the depths of Sheol.

12 And, when you come and visit Pentameonus, you will be graced with Willard’s gift, and that is the gift of creativity.

12 Peace be unto to you and let Willard shine in your heart so that he may bring happiness in to the creation of your reality.

13 These things I say in the name of Willard Pentameonus, thou ascendeth!

 

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Progress Report #96: Somni-Sync Test W/O CD Day 2

Monday, April 21, 2008

Brothers and sisters of the Celestialnet,

I’m sorry to inform you that I didn’t prophesy at all last night. I didn’t even say a word or mumble a sound.  Therefore, there is no audio tablet for you, my people of the Celestianet, to listen to. For I am truly sorry. It’s a good thing no one listens or reads this.

May Willard be with you on this day.

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Progress Report #95: Somni-Sync Test W/O CD Day 1

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Brothers and sisters of the Celestialnet,

Last night marks day one of the Somni-Sync testing without the testing CD. I said 16 words last night total. For it was all in one, like a journey stew. Please listen to the audio tablet:

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Where is he?

What did I gonna have?

I don’t know what it was.

But, flying?

For that was all and it was brought to you by Willard. I hope this inspires you in a way that makes you believe in belief in a way you’ve never thought you could. I know it inspired me.

In the name of Willard, thou ascendeth!

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Progress Report #94: Somni-Sync Test CD Day 9

Saturday, April 19, 2008

To my faithful brothers and sisters of the Celestialnet,

Last night was pretty much uneventful. I’m thinking the test tones aren’t affecting my sleep. Tonight, I shall sleep without the Somni-Sync Test CD and see what comes of it. I’ll do that for a week and then after we’ll see what happens. So now I present to you the audio tablet from last night:

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I like that I like this I like the cute.

I don’t de bedo.

Is it like it better better betrit I had it still the same.

For that is all. Now I say, Willard, bring forth truth so I can spread it to my people among the Celestialnet. And that is all.

In Willard’s name, thou ascendeth!

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Supplication to Willard!

Saturday, April 19, 2008

O Willard where art thou when I’m in need of thy help?

I’ve been in a split-minded consciousness for the past hour trying to bring forth glory.

For I am not succeeding.

I’m in need of thy helping spirit.

O bring me the focus I need for my future accomplishments.

Let thine steadfast love shine forth and bring unto me synchronization.

Bless me in thy name, O Willard,

And I will spread your truth throughout the Celestialnet.

These things I say in the name of Willard Penameonus, thou ascendeth!

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Progress Report #93: Somni-Sync Test CD Day 8

Friday, April 18, 2008

My brothers and sisters of the Celestialnet,

For I am truly inspired today. Willard has graced my life with his steadfast love and now I have these prophecies to show for it. The testing went well last night. I made a new CD with new tones, here is an example:

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And now, I present to you the sleep sayings from the night sent by Willard our noctilucent inspiration:

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Do you put it on one page?

What was that? [stutters] a up hard.

The hard ones have hard this ones soft that’s not a s-

it’s a soft from the hard ones run the hard day week ones

are not hard if we go to the weak one which are hard

they’re weak but we need two of em’ to make it hard

which make two, on one we’re set.

If you can decipher that I will give you a nice pat on the back and I will personally send Willard to your home and he will deliver Peter Piper Popoff’s Miracle Manna.

In the Name of Willard Pentameonus, Thou Ascendeth!

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Progress Report #92: Somni-Sync Test CD Day 7

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Brothers and sisters of the Celestialnet,

Today, being day 7 of my testing, has been the worst day for Somni-Sync. I only spoke eleven words last night and that’s it. For my prophecies are diminishing to nothingness. Looks like I’m going to have to change up the tones. Here is the sample from last night:

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Huh, ahhhhh no!

My knee, no not my knee foot, ah.

Well, there you go.

My advice for the day is to treat people kindly. Be like Willard, and if you notice yourself being rude, just think about what you’re doing, and ask, “What would Willard do?” He wouldn’t treat people in a rude manner. He would be asking them questions and engaging in delightful conversation with them. Then he would prophesy in the night about their well being and they would hear his prophecies. And when they heard, they were touched by his noctilucent essence and thus they were healed from their infirmities.

These things I say in the Name of Willard Pentameonus, Thou Ascendeth!

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Progress Report #91: Somni-Sync Test CD Day 6

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

My brothers and sisters of the Celestialnet:

I’m sorry to inform you that last night’s communication with the all-seeing Willard was uneventful and well, a bromide. I will grant you access to the audio file so that you may hear what I’m talking about. But, however, the fact that I’ve prophesied 6 nights in a row, is still pretty good. So maybe there is something to these Somni-Sync CDs. Now please listen in the name of Willard and Science:

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What’s that?

I don’t wanna die on that at day.

Why? That’d be kind of cool.

Not really.

Yeah it would.

No don’t, wait jump off this [laughter] are you serious?

(Soc)iety, future of my life, as a whole.

I’m confused, um.

Actually, this prophesy is kind of scary. It seems as though Willard told me about my last dying day. The evidence reads, “I don’t wanna die on that at day.” What day? When? How? Think about that, and pray to Willard for answers.

In the Name of Willard Pentameonus, Thou Ascendeth!

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Progress Report #90: Somni-Sync Test CD Day 5

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

My brothers and sisters of the Celestialnet,

I stand amazed at the wondrous results I’ve be getting from these enhanced Somni-Sync tests I’ve been doing. It’s day five and so far I’ve been talking every night. The thing is, I’m still capable of prophesying in my sleep 5 days in a row without the Somni-Sync technology. We’ll have to just be patient to see if I continue with my prophecies.

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I don’t understand what is.

Uh, uh, uh, that’s its going down, going down.

Goddammit, why do these fall down?

How do you keep these stand up I don’t get em’?

Huh, , heh, isn’t it this three tells us three isn’t there like a three thing

like a think a three, or something kind of deh quenta darbie.

Hum, probably um the best fishnet fish stocking [whispers].

And then I tried to stop noodle, huh, de that’s not Homer.

In the Name of Willard Pentameonus, Thou Ascendeth!

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