The Parasomnial Order: Bæyű!

THE EPISTLE OF MATTHEW JAMES TO THE

WILLARDITES

AN EPISTLE WRITTEN BY HIS OWN HAND UPON WORDPRESS

Epistle to the faithful in Willard among the Celestialnet concerning the mistranslation of the Book of Willard and the final closure of the Somniloquy Revelation Category within this fine section of the Celestialnet.

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Salutation

1 Matthew James, the prophet of the Parasomnial Order and somewhat of an Evangelical Enthusiast Extraordinaire.

2 To all who are faithful in Willard, and to all who are exceedingly pure and delightsome, and to all who question and seek Elohim.

3 May Peace and tranquility be upon thee, my followers of Willard Consciousness, to you I give thanks and blessings.

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A Revelation of Importance

4 On March 20th I had a dream where I had an encounter with a heavenly representation of myself called the Son of James. In this dream, I was instructed to build a sacred sanctum for the retranslation of the Book of Willard.¹

5 As you may have already known, I somehow translated 209 of my very own Somniloquy Revelations into 7 chapters of the Book of Willard. Each revelation and translation is securely located under the Somniloquy Revelation category.

6 The current translation, however, was in fact inspired by a false Willard; and thus it is completely wrong. This false Willard purposely distorted the sacred history of Parasomnitick Worship by way of defiling the text with touches of sexual innuendos² and inappropriate sexual terminology.³

7 Richard Bushwoman, the Pentameonus Scholar, has proven that this false Willard used the Book of Abraham as a source. And by used as a source, he just replaced the name Abraham with Willard and changed a few words around. If you compare the two, not only will you notice that the verses were copied word for word, but the number of verses are also the same.

8 And, the last two chapters were taken straight from the Book of Moses, which is a book similar to the Book of Abraham, but of course they contradict each other.⁴

9 Therefore, for the sake the Parsomnial Order, I must restore the Book of Willard to its original and complete⁵ form.

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First Translation

10 Just so you have an understanding as to what the of the first translation is all about, I shall provide a link and explanation of The Book of Willard.

11 This translation was said to have been originally written in the 1800s around the time of the Mormon pilgrimage to the Beehive state. It’s a documentation of Willard’s apostasy from the Mormon Church while in Iowa traveling to Wyoming. He turns away from the Church while seeking truth from his Mormon fathers who were consciously worshiping the false gods of Eternal-Father, Christ, Holy-Ghost, and Salamander.

12 Willard communicates with Elohim many times on his journey to Wyoming. Elohim saves him from the false priests of Mormianity and helps Willard find his own path to freedom by way of Somniloquy. Willard travels on through Nebraska by way of Colorado to Wyoming in hopes to find the Parasomial truth.

13 In Hulett, by the power of Parasomnitick Worship, Willard learns of the planets, stars, and supracreation of the planet Kolob.⁶ He learns of the Lord thine Antegod Oleahah the Magnificent.⁷ And he also learns of Abram, who was the first god created by Oleahah.

14 Some of the things in this translation are true, and some are not. As of now, I’m not sure what the truth is, but, in due time, Willard will reveal it unto me.

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Somniloquy Revelation Category

15 Now, because of this mistranslation, I have decided to officially close the Somniloquy Revelation category. I have chosen to do this because most of these revelations are cursed, and no one should ever have to read them.

16 As for the pure and delightsome revelations, they are being compiled into the sayings gospel of the Son of James. This gospel is a collection of my most significant revelations, and they should be studied with Willard in all your hearts.

17 There are four chapters as of now, and soon there shall be new chapters available for study.

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Final Thought

18 In closing, I would like to say:

19 These things I say in the name of Willard Pentameonus, thou ascendeth!

1. For the full account of this dream please read Section 8 of the Phantasmagorium [↩]
2. E.g. “And the Antegods formed god from the dank from the mons, and took his thetan (that is, the god’s thetan), and put it to it, unto him; and breathed into his nostrils the breath of godhood, and god became a kolobic soul.” -Will 5:7 [↩]
3. E.g. “And it came to pass when I was come near to enter into Hulett, the Lord said unto me: Behold, Suri, thy wife, is a very fair woman to look upon; of thy apple Bosoms, and of thy bountiful Onion, and of thy well-pressed Pecan.” -Will 2:22 [↩]
4. If you would like to read these sacred Mormon scriptures, go to the official LDS Web site: http://scriptures.lds.org/en/pgp/contents [↩]
5. By complete, I mean that there will be three Audio Facsimiles included in the New Saint John’s Wort Version of the Book of Willard. Actually, these Facsimiles were originally intended to be created at the time of Willard: but due to the fact that the advancements in technology were not all that advanced, Willard decided to postpone the Audio part of his teachings to a later period in time. [↩]
6. Kolob is the star that Mormons believe to be the dwelling place of God the eternal father. For more information on this I would suggest you read the Book of Abraham. [↩]
7. Oleahah is the God before God, or God of the preexistence, who dwells on the planet Perineum, which is located under the planet Uranus. [↩]