The Parasomnial Order: Bæyű!

If anybody wants to watch the first part of the Frontline Documentary called: The Mormons, here’s the link:

http://www.pbs.org/mormons/view/

Many have compared me to this painting done by Gerrit Van Honthorst entitled The Mocking of Christ. I can’t seem to figure it out. I have done nothing even remotely close to what these clowns are doing to our Savior. I guess you can say I am mocking Christ by writing interpolated scripture. But, that’s Mormon scripture; and that doesn’t count. Well, we do revere St. Willard in way that no one will understand – unless they read the Book of Willard. Please don’t be fooled, for I am a gentle man.

I have one question for you, my people: What does this painting mean to you?

INTERPOLATION: THIS WAS OLD; FOR THERE IS NO SNAGLESNATCH!!!

Dear brothers and sisters,

As I was looking through the phone book for answers to which Church I should attend next Sunday I found the ultimate answer for life: SAY NO TO DRUGS. I thought this was pretty funny seeing that it’s right under the listings for churches.

As I was giggling to myself I heard my phone ring. I answered with a curious hello. It was my oh-so-very-nice assistant asking me if I would be available to work on Sunday. Even though it conflicted with my original plan of going to the Church of Christ Scientist I told her I might be available.

She told me that Big-Time-Hollywood producers were thinking of using me as a photo double for Craig T. Nelson on the movie “Blades of Glory”. Seeing that acting is my backup plan I felt bad for even considering it. I don’t even look like the guy. But hey, if Big-Time-Hollywood producers want me, I’ll do it!

Then she told me that there is a slight problem. I might have to cut my long luxurious locks. I cried out to Elohim and told him if they cut my hair it would be all his fault. He then told me that it was my choice and I would have to live with the consequences of my actions.

So I thought to myself, is being an actor more important than doing the Lord’s work? Oh, I prayed and prayed and fasted and fasted for about 5 minutes and said:

“Yes! Acting is more important for now, considering I have been unemployed for a while and could use a little extra cash”.

This Sunday will be fun, exciting, and intriguing. I will be hanging with Mr. Craig T. Nelson and gossiping with the stars about who’s sleeping with whom. Think about that Craig T. Nelson.

These things I say in the name of Pentameonus, thou ascendeth!

Dear brothers and sisters,

These things I say in the name of Willard Pentameonus, thou ascendeth!

Dear brothers and sisters,

This is a minor INTERPOLATION:

I got bored with reviewing all the Somniloquy Revelations so I am going to take a break and put this lovely picture up for you and me to enjoy and together we will ponder all the wonderful questions we have regarding life and luxury and Joseph Smith. I think you deserve this wonderful picture.

So please feel free to pray with me and the lord will guide us to the light.

These things I say in the name of Willard Pentameonus, thou ascendeth!

Brothers and sisters,

This I bring forth is yet another INTERPOLATION:

I came back from my trip. This is what I saw on my drive to Montana:

These things I say in the name of Willard Pentameonus, thou ascendeth!