Matthew James was found in Oceanside pumping gas on Oceanside blvd. with his somewhat newly found prepubescent little girl/dutch boy coiffure. He was driving a strange car of the gray color with a VW logo on the bumper which lead me to believe in actuality he was a little girl of ephebic nature. From what I saw, it looked like he was handing out 3×5 cards made of rice paper that if soaked in water under a thin layer of soil, the paper will sprout seedlings within 3-4 weeks time. The cards had some very import information about the Parasomnial Order on them (basically top-secret information regarding the church that must not be revealed at this time for it has nothing to do with the non-existent lost chapter 6 of the Book of Willard; and, it definitely has nothing to do with Clay Aiken who brought a tear to my eye when he sang Without You at my private birthday bash in the Hollywood hills). And a quick reminder, Clay Aiken is NOT gay.
So why was the Prophet in Oceanside? We may never know. From what my sources say, he was just on a drive thinking about how to make his new found religion known to the people of the ever changing populace. He is a thinking man who thinks when he drives, but paradoxically, he rarely drives. Does this mean our prophet is a dumb-witted slow smelling mind of a man who only thinks when it involves a car ride with FFR? No. It means…thinking is not important in the Parasomnial Order for Matthew James never thinks. He lets Elohim do all the thinking for him. That’s why he was in Oceanside. To help spread truth to all the Marines that dwell there. So, if you’re reading this, and you are in fact a Marine, or somehow associated with Marines, I suggest you stop reading this for it has nothing to do with politics. And, I solute you for all your help with the War on Terror.
Now, to the main point of this post. Matthew James was in fact in Oceanside, and he felt an overwhelming feeling of someone watching him like the Michael Jackson song (only without the pederasty). It was a familiar feeling of déjà vu, but more along the lines of déjà senti. It was an evil feeling of corrupted cognition or something of that nature; something of anomalous proportion, which led Matthew James to prayer. He prayed to St. Willard for guidance and Willard granted Matthew James’ prayer with a seedling from the rice paper with the answers to the key of life. Which is, to stop using the internet and/or Myspace and get back into the real world of life, and live!
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