The Parasomnial Order: Bæyű!

Dear brothers and sisters,

As I was looking through the phone book for answers to which Church I should attend next Sunday I found the ultimate answer for life: SAY NO TO DRUGS. I thought this was pretty funny seeing that it’s right under the listings for churches.

As I was giggling to myself I heard my phone ring. I answered with a curious hello. It was my oh-so-very-nice assistant asking me if I would be available to work on Sunday. Even though it conflicted with my original plan of going to the Church of Christ Scientist I told her I might be available.

She told me that Big-Time-Hollywood producers were thinking of using me as a photo double for Craig T. Nelson on the movie “Blades of Glory”. Seeing that acting is my backup plan I felt bad for even considering it. I don’t even look like the guy. But hey, if Big-Time-Hollywood producers want me, I’ll do it!

Then she told me that there is a slight problem. I might have to cut my long luxurious locks. I cried out to Elohim and told him if they cut my hair it would be all his fault. He then told me that it was my choice and I would have to live with the consequences of my actions.

So I thought to myself, is being an actor more important than doing the Lord’s work? Oh, I prayed and prayed and fasted and fasted for about 5 minutes and said:

“Yes! Acting is more important for now, considering I have been unemployed for a while and could use a little extra cash”.

This Sunday will be fun, exciting, and intriguing. I will be hanging with Mr. Craig T. Nelson and gossiping with the stars about who’s sleeping with whom. Think about that Craig T. Nelson.

These things I say in the name of Pentameonus, thou ascendeth!